How to Ignore “Discernment Bloggers” and Stay Comfortably Clueless

[This is a Repost of Steve Kozar’s piratechristian.com satire of 9/14/2016]

Want to stay comfortable in your (theologically shallow & Biblically illiterate) Christian beliefs? Even if those beliefs are not really based on God’s Word?? Of course you do! Here’s a guide that will keep you in the dark, and will help you to avoid the bothersome content of whichever discernment bloggers are currently bugging you:

  1. Start with this assumption: There aren’t any false teachers. With this handy starting point everything else falls comfortably into place. Just tell yourself that people who proclaim a different Gospel are just… different. It’s like the difference between hotdogs and hamburgers. If there are no false teachers, then it logically follows that all discernment bloggers are wrong. Now you won’t have to consider what they say!
  2. Go with the group. If the majority agrees with you, you must be right. Remember, Jesus wants you to follow the most popular teachers, even when they twist the Bible. Discernment bloggers are not popular, so they must be wrong. Now you won’t have to consider what they say!
  3. Lump them all together. It’s true: some discernment bloggers are too extreme and exaggerate too much, or they go off on some crazy bunny trails; therefore you can ignore everything that every discernment blogger says (see points 1 & 2).
  4. They are mean and angry, therefore, they are wrong. If you think they’re mean and angry… well, that means they are mean and angry. Now you won’t have to consider what they say!
  5. Criticize their criticism. Discernment bloggers are not speaking in love when they call out false teachings and teachers, therefore you can ignore the actual content of what they say. Once you understand this you can freely criticize them, because it’s not unloving when you and your group does it.
  6. Say something like this: “The Holy Spirit leads me-I don’t need all this theological stuff.” Remember, the Holy Spirit leads us, but He does it by using God’s Word. So if you want to remain clueless, just focus on the thoughts that pop into your head, and avoid the Bible (and it’s theology) at all costs. If you do decide to read your Bible, make sure to avoid the actual meaning of passages, which can be determined by simply understanding the context. Instead, use your Bible like a divining rod or a crystal ball, that way the Bible will always agree with you and your ideas!
  7. Give them a label. This is a great thought-stopper. Label all discernment bloggers with a generic and meaningless label so you can comfortably ignore them.

Examples: (A) “He’s into those Christian conspiracy theories, it’s really sad.” (Never define “Christian conspiracy theory;” thus people  can be grouped together with Bigfoot hunters and UFO hobbyists.) (B) “He’s one of those judgmental, Bible-thumping Christians now. He’s a religious Pharisee; he’s always quoting Bible verses.” (Hint: never define “judgmental” or “Bible-thumping” or “religious Pharisee.” (C)“Ever since she’s been reading those discernment articles she’s gotten too negative. God’s in control, right? Why worry so much?!” (Hint: if you ever realized how brain-dead the church has become, you’d be “negative” for a while, too. So keep ignoring all the proof that surrounds you, and stay away from your Bible which repeatedly warns you to watch out for false doctrine!)

The original article is here:  http://www.piratechristian.com/messedupchurch/2016/9/how-to-ignore-discernment-bloggers-and-stay-comfortable-clueless

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On Future Leadership – Calvary Chapel 2012 Pastor’s Conference

It is informative that at this (2012) conference, Greg Laurie notes that Pastor Chuck had NOT publicly name his successor for leadership of Calvary Costa Mesa. Although Brodersen comes out and names himself as that successor, Pastor Chuck does NOT confirm this, but rather says: ”

“I believe that the Bible teaches that Christ is the head of the body – His church. That is what needs to be emphasized and realized that it isn’t a person, it isn’t an individual, but it is submission to Jesus Christ, and if we can do that, we’re gonna go forward. I think that, as I was talking with some of these fellows – and we’re going to be having a time – I’m going to be calling the fellows together that have been with us almost from the beginning. Some of the guys that God has already demonstrated their leadership capacity – we’re gonna have a time of just prayer, fasting, waiting on the Lord, and just getting, hopefully, from The Lord, his direction for the future of Calvary Chapel. As far as leadership is concerned, I do see it as a multiple kind of a leadership, NOT AN INDIVIDUALAnd I do believe that Jesus, again, is the true leader, and he’s the one we want to follow.”

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Timeline : The FACTS on Brian “Head” Welch

Preface: After Josh Turansky/ CCCM’s 2/26/14 article attacking critics of CCCM’s emergent new direction, and of the Whosoevers – see http://calvarychapel.com/resources/article/view/the-anatomy-of-a-christian-conspiracy-theory/?utm_content=bufferee7e8&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer

I felt it necessary to restate THE FACTS:

THIS is no “conspiracy theory” – The DOCUMENTATION IS THERE to demonstrate that Brian Head Welch [BHW] HAS BEEN associating with Todd Bentley and other false teachers – Contrary to public statements by Ryan Ries. The facts are that on 11/21/14, LIVE on KWVE – Ryan Ries, in collaboration with Calvary Costa Mesa’s Brian Brodersen, Ken Sutton & Josh Turansky. OPENLY LIED to listeners nationwide. THIS is nothing less than lies, deceit & a cover-up of the truth!

Timeline :

 2/19/15 – Brian Head Welch [BHW] laying low & posting adverts for Whosoever movie “3Sixty5” …

2/10/15 – Todd Bentley’s “God Encounter Weekend” w/ BHW suddenly canceled, claiming that there is a “scheduling conflict” and BHW can’t make it. See http://www.freshfireusa.com/events/view/649-God-Encounter-Weekend

1/22/15 – Todd Bentley posts Contest to win free “Head Welch” SIGNED MERCHANDISE”, etc. – See https://emergentwatch.com/?attachment_id=622

1/14/15 – Todd Bentley posts pic of him & BHW on his Instagram as a promo for their planned “God Encounter Weekend” scheduled for March 6&7. See https://instagram.com/iamtoddbentley/ + https://emergentwatch.com/?attachment_id=611

12/10/14 – BHW posts on his Twitter & Facebook pages, “Get to know the God who lives inside of you. STILLNESS IN CONTEMPLATION IS IMPORTANT!” See: https://twitter.com/brianheadwelch [Dec. 10 post] And see https://www.facebook.com/brianheadwelch/photos/a.10152333696631974.1073741827.327723191973/10152927181416974/?type=3&permPage=1

 11/28/14 and onward – (subsequently) Head’s LDH facebook page falls silent…

11/21/14 – CCCM/ KWVE Whosoever whitewash, where Ryan Ries openly lies, live on the air to listeners nationwide, while B. Broderson, Ken Sutton & Josh Turansky chuckle in the background! see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AOhQEBuXtaA

11/7/14 – on his LoveDrunkHeadly [LDH] FB page Head posts link & video ENDORSING false teacher/ prophet Shawn Morris; see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nnir8lp9Hnw&feature=share & see https://emergentwatch.com/?attachment_id=623

10/30/14 – BHW posted about contemplative “Mystic” Milly Bennitt, saying “THIS is one of my tribe… The church at large would call this the New Age, but…” And “I’ve been connected TO THIS TYPE of life since 2006. I’m NOT hiding who I am!” NOTE: THIS POST WAS LATER REMOVED, but I have photographic evidence – See https://emergentwatch.com/?attachment_id=615

9/26/14 – Heretical “Holy Ghost” movie released: starring Heidi Baker, Bill (Bethel) Johnson and BHW. see https://emergentwatch.com/?attachment_id=618

9/17/14 – NAR affiliated False teacher Jonathan Welton’s outfit posts ANOTHER VIDEO TITLED “Brian Head Welch’s Supernatural Bible School Student Testimonial” – You Tube – see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PzmCvJH-NM4

9/16/14 – LDH posts endorsement/ advert for Milly Bennitt’s contemplative mystical “Cabin Academy”, saying “There are tons of goodies on her website”. see http://cabinacademy.com/definition-of-mystic/ & see http://wp.me/a44mo5-9J

9/13/14 – NAR affiliated False teacher Jonathan Welton’s outfit posts “Brian Head Welch’s Supernatural Bible School Student Testimonial” video on You Tube – see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMRTa8RCf0A

9/4/14 – BHW makes entertainment news headlines promoting Kickstarter fundraiser for the heretical “Holy Ghost” movie. see http://variety.com/2014/film/box-office/holy-ghost-kickstarter-korn-guitarist-1201297740/ & see https://emergentwatch.com/?attachment_id=594

8/17/14 – LDH posts advert/ promotion of the “FIREHOUSE PROJECTS” See http://www.thefirehouseprojects.com/ which is the site of John Crowder’s heretical partner Matt Spinks; See also http://wp.me/a44mo5-9X

8/9/14 – BHW in Nashville shooting a scene for the heretical “Holy Ghost” movie. see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ear5agZpJc & see https://emergentwatch.com/?attachment_id=591

6/28/14 – LDH posts link to “Kickstarter Update” – Fund raising for Bethel Redding’s Bill Johnson’s heretical “Holy Ghost” movie. see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=98U2pRCRD6I&feature=youtu.be

6/27/14 – BHW featured in promo for the heretical “Holy Ghost” movie. See https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsJw9q7VPuo &

6/9/14 – Whosoevers post promo of Korn @ Mayhem Fest; see http://wp.me/a44mo5-9z

May 5, 2014 – LDH posts his “Recommended Reading” which includes Anna Roundtree, Rick Joyner, St. John of the Cross, St. Teresa of Avila. and recommends music by Hillsong, Bethel, Gungor, Misty Edwards, etc.; See https://emergentwatch.com/?attachment_id=620

March 28, 1014 – LDH calls the heretical movie “Noah” a “Work of Art”.

August 2013 – BHW joins the Welton Academy’s “Supernatural Bible School”. see https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMRTa8RCf0A

11/13/13 – BHW & Rob Zombie play “Am I Evil – Yes I am!” song; See https://emergentwatch.com/?attachment_id=595

May 2013: BHW rejoins Korn

2009: BHW joins The Whosoevers

^^^^^^^^^^^^^ unadated & 2 FIND <<<<<<<<<<<<<<

+ BHW hangin w/ John crowder tokin & doin communion; see https://emergentwatch.wordpress.com/wp-admin/post.php?post=608&action=edit
+ his black feathers “home fellowship”…